Best for Elian may be freedom of choose

Like it or not, the case of Elian Gonzales does not go away. What is best for him? The question comes up repeatedly.

I believe Elian's father should be glad his son has a better chance in America. I have no doubt the love he feels for his child, but common sense (which I doubt he possesses) should be the motivator. Perhaps it is his own selfishness, still fighting his ex-wife (now the ghost), who had the good sense and courage to do something he was incapable of. She accomplished what she set out to do in spite of the risk and paid the ultimate price.

Freedom is what we Americans appreciate the most, or should. Ask anyone who is incarcerated. So why a father should insist on bringing his own son back to live (by comparison) as a prisoner, defies rationale. Perhaps because he is so Castro-ated. Before you judge me as being matter of fact, read on. I, too, am a parent and now grandparent. Should parents chance to separate, I never believed that a Titanic struggle should exist over control and absolute influence on the young ones. Nor do I believe in one week with me, one week with her. I have seen this and it does not come close to working.

My wife and I divorced when my son was just 8. I gave her custody and the house so they would still have a base and less disruption. I agreed to child support and visitation. Then the wheels came completely off the cart. Unlike Elian, who came to a better place, she decided to move several thousand miles away to the deep South. They may as well have gone to a foreign country. That turned out to be a terrible decision for all concerned.

My son developed a chip on his shoulder big as a rock, copped a complete attitude, as it were, a distrust for authority, teachers, etc. and worst of all, a hatred for his mother. I was not aware how bad it was. Even though we communicated regularly, I only got to see him once in six years. He was also doing poorly in school and socially.

When he was 14, I received a letter from his mother, stating she could not cope any further and that she was sending me our son, prepaid, one way. That was two weeks before Christmas. His life and mine were about to change dramatically.

On the way home from the airport (after the small talk) he broke the awkward silence by saying, "Dad, I'm not as bad as they say I am." I replied that I didn't know what happened in the South and I didn't want to know, that was yesterday. Now you have something not everyone gets, a second chance. We never looked back again. I believe young Elian deserves the same chance.

When my son was 18, he joined the Army (fear and distrust of authority obviously gone). He made that decision on his own. We did not see each other for another three years.

Since returning from duty, he has joined a successful career, has a lovely wife, beautiful home and is now a proud father (also lost the aforementioned animosity).

One other thing regarding Elian that I have not heard discussed by the media. If he goes back to the love of his father, familiar surroundings and friends, is he supposed to accept his father's new lady as his mother, knowing what his own mother went through? I don't think so.

My son is now 34 and lives in New Mexico. So we still only see each other every couple of years. We only got to spend 12 years together, but we are still as close as if we were next door neighbors.

Sometimes you have to bite the bullet. I believe it was the words of the learned seagull, Jonathan Livingston, "If you love someone or something, let it go. If it returns to you, it was meant to be."