We all have rules we live by. Some are noble: the Golden Rule, the Ten Commandments, Karma. Some of them are not: look out for number one, survival of the fittest, or my personal favorite -- from children and adults -- "everyone else does it."
Somehow, somewhere, sometime, probably early in our lives, we started taking on these rules as part of ourselves. They have governed how we treat others and how we treat ourselves. They have helped us manage the large and small decisions we make in our daily lives. Our rules may have met with varying degrees of success, but we tend to stick with what we know in spite of any empirical evidence.
I must admit that some of my rules govern very mundane aspects of my life.
Take shopping, for example. My daughter Joanna assures me it's going to be a great day at the mall if we get a good parking place -close to the entrance, in the shade. And of course, if Macy's has a beautiful $150 sweater on clearance, in my size and color for under $50, I take it as a sign that the universe wants me to have it.
Other rules apply to what and how I eat, like my rule of doughnuts. If someone has brought doughnuts to work and one of them just happens to be a cream-filled, chocolate-covered Bismarck, it's a sign that I am allowed a doughnut that day. The universe has ordained it. Sadly though, as often as I state this rule, Bismarcks rarely show up.
Another dietary rule, which I learned from a thin friend, is that M&Ms must be eaten in multiples of two, so that they land evenly on each hip. Sounds reasonable to me. Heaven forbid I should be unevenly distributed. People already think I'm unbalanced.
And if I've eaten high-fiber, low-fat breakfasts Monday through Saturday, I'm allowed sausage, eggs and hashbrowns on Sunday. Or I'll have a salad for supper if I can have cheesecake for dessert. I call that balance, don't you?
See what I mean about sticking with rules in spite of all evidence to the contrary?
I've been following these dietary rules for years and I remain what my German ancestors would call "saftig."
A few rules apply to driving as well. For example, I'm only required to let one person in front of me per day. However, if someone lets me in, I'm obligated to the universe to let another person in.
If you haven't noticed it before, the universe operates on the principle of reciprocity. Some sort of balance is at least implied in most codes of conduct. Give and take. Rights and responsibilities. Crime and punishment. Please and thank you. The universe seeks balance.
So if I pass a cop while speeding and am not pulled over, I'm obligated to thank the universe by religiously obeying the speed limit for the next 24 hours.
A younger woman recently asked me where these rules came from. Who told me
the rules and why do I have to follow them? I didn't know how to respond. The rules just are. Like gravity. You live long enough, you pay attention, you learn the rules.
And the earlier we learn them the better because the rules apply to serious aspects of our lives as well. This reciprocity factor is evident in our relationships with family and friends -- for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, in youth and old age. We accept the good with the bad. One gives perspective to the other and allows us to brave the bad times while remaining humbly grateful during the good.
It is for this reason I bank good deeds while I'm (relatively) young and (relatively) healthy so that my cosmic account has enough of a cushion in it to get me through age and infirmity. Or at least menopause.
As far as getting what we deserve goes, I know that if I get everything I deserve out of life -- everything I've earned -- I'll be lucky to come out even. We all will.
We do indeed reap what we sow. What goes around does indeed come around. And as my husband says, "Yeah, and it usually bites you on the butt."
He's right, you know; we ignore these rules at our peril. But you don't have to take my word for it. Believe it or not, it really doesn't matter. Just like gravity -- you don't have to believe in these universal rules for them to work.
I just hope the universe believes I deserve a doughnut today.
Lorie Smith Schaefer and her husband have lived in Carson City for more than 20 years. They have raised two daughters who are now in college. Lorie is a reading specialist at Seeliger Elementary School.
