When will weapons appear?

Appeal columnists

What are the odds that "weapons of mass destruction" show up in Iraq six to eight weeks before the 2004 election? (Making allowances for early voting, of course.) A Republican we know said, "We'll find them, even if we have to put them there." Just wondering.

And how about killing two birds with one stone? Gov. Guinn can get rid of Yucca Mountain by sending the atomic trash to Iraq, making GWB happy by finding evidence of WMD there ... ahhh, justification.

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News flash. "Little Joe the gorilla escaped from the Boston Zoo for the second time." Dagnab it... "He don't call, he don't write...."

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And now we have the Ormsby House soap opera ... will it be torn down? Will the city work with the owners? Will it fall down during the next earthquake? Will we have another vacant eyesore downtown? Will there ever be an answer? Tune in tomorrow, for the next exciting episode.

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Goody, goody, we're getting more restaurants in town - two new sports bars, a new Mings and Woody's now has Mexican food in the evenings. We can hardly wait- more sports food, more Chinese and Mexican food. What excellent choices. We'd hate to think that someone might bring in a Greek or a German restaurant, or even a Red Lobster (would that be "Atlantean?" Then we could never decide.

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Travis Fimmel. The name just makes us swoon. He's the new "Tarzan." Travis Fimmel ... makes you long for John Wayne or Cary Grant, formerly Marion Morrison (or was that Rock Hudson?) and Archibald Leach. Travis ... try it.

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To Kobe Bryant: Why apologize for "hurting your family"? Oh yeah, your brain wasn't in the right place ....

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It's been suggested to us to let Max Baer keep the 200 foot derrick. That way, you can see it from Douglas County and it will draw the people over the hill to Carson City. And you thought we had all the good ideas ....

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The so-called "reality shows" on TV are pretty bad. And now, "Dr. Phil" is getting into the act. Only he's doing it with fat people (yeah, we know that "nutritionally challenged" is the PC thing to say), exploiting and humiliating them for the ratings game. Shame on you, Dr. Phil, for putting them through the grinder to sell your new book...and, up to now, we thought you were helping people. Tch, tch, tch.

And for those of you who are wondering, you don't have to be an expert to have an opinion. In fact, you don't even have to know anything. So there.

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We leave you with the following: the roundabout on E. Fifth Street is OK. It's the people who use it who need to be educated. You jump in when there's no one on the left coming. Don't stop and wait for a signal from God. Remember that, or go another way. Happy driving!

Carolyn DeMar and Maizie Harris Jesse have been expressing their opinions on Carson City goings-on for years. Now, they're in the Nevada Appeal. Send your questions to editor@nevadaappeal.com.