Willing to travel world for Appeal

We see that Karl Horeis, intrepid Appeal reporter, has been sent to Germany to report on our Nevada troops there ... therefore, we are offering ourselves up to be sent to Monaco next spring for the Grand Prix where we will interview all the racers, go to all the parties, meet the princes and princesses, and faithfully send home our reports on how the Monegasques are coping in these edgy times ... it's a hard job, but somebody has to do it ...

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Internet Factoids: Do you know that you can't lick your elbow? And did you know if you cover a splinter with Elmer's glue, that, after the glue dries, it comes right out when you peel the glue off?

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Ken Jones and Janet Heller both asked what was going up next to the Highway Department on South Stewart Street ... it's the Department of Conservation and Natural Resources (with the exception of Forestry) ... you can read all about it at www.dcnr.nv.gov.

Ken also wanted to know why the pharmaceutical ads on TV don't come right out and tell you what they're for ... why, to make money, of course ... that way, you'll call your doctor and see why you can't spend it on each and every possible disease, whether you have it or not ... $$$$$$$$$ ....

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Now, from the realm of the very strange, but true ... Maizie won second place last week in the Portland Oregonian's "Write a Saddam poem contest." Since SH has written a poem about George Bush that has not been published, people were asked to write one "as if they were Saddam." There were hundreds of entries, but the second-place winner read:

"Was George the First really the worst?

Or is it Double U?

In fact, I think, I'll raise a stink

and say it's Number 2!"

Poet laureate of Oregon, here she comes ... (and the devil didn't even have to help her). The Oregonian/Edge figures she's on her way to Camp X-Ray as soon as the black helicopters can find her ....

And many thanks to Charlie Abowd for feeding her lunch, and Jim and Katie Bawden for dinner...they probably thought it would be her last before her mysterious "disappearance." Now, Carolyn wants a treat, too ... (no pressure here ....)

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Hearty congratulations to Ann Price McCarthy for being the new president of the State Bar of Nevada ... and to Carson-Tahoe Hospital and Hometown Health for signing a contract that will allow us state workers to be healed right here in our new hospital ... and to Kelli DuFresne for finding our column after it was lost Tuesday, and putting it in on Wednesday ... at least three people noticed (tee hee) ....

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Joe McCarthy (we are "equal time" columnists) says we'll be shopping in the new Wal-Mart north of town sometime in 2005 ... plus a bunch of other stores ... so save your hard-earned cash for a year to "shop 'til you drop ...."

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Don't forget that "Romeo and Juliet" opens Friday night at the Brewery Arts Center (call 883-1976 for info) ... also "Fridays@3rd Street" at the corner of Carson and 3rd (884-4411). Deja Blues will perform this wee ... it's free, but you can buy food and drink from Mom and Pop's Diner and Devencenzi's if you need sustenance ....

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And while you're playing and "partying under the stars," it's our opinion that the mayor and city supervisors give some thought in the future to phase in "dark lighting" like they just put in at Western Nevada Community College. Tucson, Flagstaff, Chico and Ketchum have all adopted it ... so that any night, in any part of town, you can look up and see the stars.

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This one was too good to pass up (sent by Ken Fraser, who else?) ... A young preacher was asked to hold a burial service for an indigent gentleman. He was late, and by the time he reached the cemetery, all he saw was the backhoe and the crew sitting nearby eating lunch. Feeling guilty for being late, he went to the grave where the vault lid was already in place and preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased off in style.

As he returned to his car, he heard one of the workmen say, "I've been putting in septic tanks for 20 years, but I ain't seen nothin' like that ...."

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Now go ahead and admit it ... you tried to lick your elbow, didn't you?

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And to Tom (you know who you are) ... for shame ... there's a "dress code" in the neighborhood ... we just haven't figured out what it is yet ... but, welcome anyway ....

Carolyn DeMar and Maizie Harris Jesse are longtime Carson City residents. Write to them at editor@nevadaappeal.com.