Columnist thanks man for return of her purse

Sometimes you know you're losing it when you leave your purse at Safeway, but remember to take your groceries home. Now a wonderful gentleman by the name of Jose Ramirez found the purse, called the demented one, and told her he'd turned it in to Safeway, just as she was frantically calling to cancel her credit cards, etc. So, a billion thanks to Mr. Ramirez for finding and returning it ... and some ginko biloba (or whatever that memory herb is) to the nameless one (initials CD) so she won't repeat this trick the next time she goes shopping ...

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And while we're on a "thank you" kick ... thanks to the Hall family for the delicious candy (even though it was left in a "plain brown wrapper" at Maizie's front door) ... it was much appreciated by the "Cubettes" as they ate their way through last weekend's performances of "Bleacher Bums" at the BAC (one weekend left) ...

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We got a great message from Mary Santomauro (who will now probably join us "down below") that said, "Do you know what they're calling Pope Benedict XVI? The German Shepherd ... " Arf ...

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"A man is awakened at 3 a.m. by a loud pounding on the door ... he opens the door to find a drunk standing in the pouring rain asking for a push. "No way ... it's 3 o'clock in the morning," he says and goes back to bed. His wife asked him what that was all about and he told her. She reminded him that a few weeks ago someone had helped them when they were in a bind ... so, somewhat chastened, he puts on his clothes, goes out into the rain and yells, "Hey buddy, do you still need a push?" "Yes, please," comes the reply. "Where are you?" asks the man. "Over here on the swing ... "

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We see that Gov. Jeb Bush of Florida has signed the bill that allows you to protect yourself with guns in case you deem your life is threatened ... the NRA thanks him ... as does Zero Population Growth ...

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Mel Rappaport sent us some definitions of woman's and men's English ... WOMEN: We need = I want; Do what you want = You'll pay for this later; I am not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron; and You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? MEN: I am hungry = I am hungry; I am sleepy = I am sleepy; I am tired = I am tired; Nice dress = Nice cleavage; I love you = I'd like to have sex with you; May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you; Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you; I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay.

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Congratulations to KPTL on its 50th anniversary, May 12. According to Candus Wilson (from Woody's Diner, the home of the best waffles in town) they are the longest running station with an open format in the state ... and they have been great to Carson City during those years ... may they be on the air many more ...

Also, congratulations to the CHS Naval Jr. ROTC rifle team ... they placed fourth in the nation last month; and to Teresa and Randall Long on the birth of their twins, Alivia and Aidan; and to Dan Thielen who is on his way to a new job with the National Guard from the Nevada State Railroad Museum ... he'll only be across the street, but will be missed ...

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Speaking of the Railroad Museum (well, sort of ... ), we would like to suggest that they and the city of Carson get together and redo the defunct duck ponds on Curry Street ... it used to be a nice place to park and feed the ducks ... so it seems some TLC would be needed to get the water back in the ponds and the ducks back to the water ... "AFLAC" ... we're hoping the city and the museum put this on their list ...

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Neither of us bought the town of Palisade last week on eBay ... too bad ... we were each hoping to be the next mayor there ... who did get it? Maybe, we can negotiate a deal ...

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Happiness is going to a T-ball game ... go out to Governor's Field and watch the 5-year-olds learn to play baseball ... it's better than any pro game you'll ever see ... and you'll laugh yourself silly at their antics ... you can marvel at the patience of their coaches, you don't have to know any of the players, and you'll end up feeling "mahvelous, darling ... " "Mystery note" to Tricia Cole ... we're going to try it soon, and will let you know what happens ...

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WNCC's "Beauty and the Beast" opens May 13 (445-4249 for information) at the Community Center, and the BAC Stage Kid's production of "We The People" opens the same day at the Brewery Arts Center (883-1976) ... don't miss them ... you'll have a great time ...

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It always pays to remember ... Laura Manke Hamby asks us all to buy breast cancer stamps when you go to the Post Office ... the extra 60 cents goes to fighting this dreaded disease ... it's for a great cause and thanks ...

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On the lighter side, Vern Manke, sent us some great "want ads:" "Free Yorkshire Terrier. 8 years old. Hateful little dog. Bites." "Free puppies. 1Ú2 Cocker Spaniel. 1Ú2 sneaky neighbor's dog." "Nordic Track. $300. Hardly used. Call Chubby." And, "For Sale By Owner. Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last month. Wife knows everything."

And Ken Fraser sent us these Catholic definitions: "Amen ... the only part of a prayer that everyone knows." "Bulletin ... your receipt for attending Mass." "Choir ... a group of people whose singing allows the rest of the congregation to lip-sync." "Incense ... Holy smoke!" And Maizie's favorite, "Jesuits ... an order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams." More next week ...

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Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful mothers out there, and especially to "Ma" Tate, the Care-Bear's mom ... have a lovely day ...

n Carolyn DeMar and Maizie Harris Jesse are longtime Carson City residents. Write to them at editor@nevadaappeal.com.