You arrive at the networking event determined to meet some potential clients. You scope out the room to determine who isn't already engaged in a lively conversation and who you really need to meet. Then you square your shoulders, put on your best smile, grab your business cards and jump into the fray.
This is often what networking events feel like to the majority of us. We are part of the segment of the population who believes they are shy (that's a whopping 80 percent). People polled say they don't feel comfortable going up to strangers and starting a conversation, no matter how confident they are about their business or how nice the networking venue.
The good news is most people feel just like we do, which means we're not alone out there in the networking universe. And if most of us feel the same way, then we need to look at some new strategies, new ways to reach people with our message.
What can we do to make networking less a chore and more of a positive opportunity?
Rule Number 1: Truly know what makes your business/service special. I've spoken with business owners who try to explain what they do, and the answer is often long, confusing and leaves me clueless as to what's special, why I should learn more. Example: Hi, I've got a tire company, come by for our specials. Bad. How about: Hi, my company XXX has been in business for 13 years to serve the community. We guarantee our work and you can come by any time to get estimates, get a free rotation or have a free coffee. We want you to think of us for all your tire needs. Notice the difference?
Rule Number 2: Quit focusing on your business first. Now that really seems like a useless piece of advice, since we're at a networking event, which is all about getting the word out about us, right? People don't care how much you know when they know how much you care. So start by really caring, asking and listening. You will always get a business card and when you pay attention to others you'll be remembered. Then you can follow-up to discuss your business.
Rule Number 3: QTIP- Quit Taking It Personally! So often we go to an event and we perceive someone has brushed us off, ignored us, avoided eye contact, and all sorts of other insulting or demeaning actions. While all those things are possible, the majority of time the other person is just as engaged as we are in making the best use of their time and probably not even aware they have given off negative body language.
Rule Number 4: Watch your body language. This means smile, this means make eye contact, this means have arms open (not hugging your body) and hands out of pockets. And while we all know this, when we're under even the slightest stress we tend to revert back to what makes us feel safe, and that is often body language that says "stay away" instead of "come on over, I'm friendly."
Rule Number 5: Take off your filters. How many times do we go into a room and search for someone who is just like us? We're seeing the world through a filter of just-like-me. We gravitate toward those who we feel safe with. Those are people we like; they look, dress, talk, and sound just like us, they must be the best. So does that mean if you wear a three-piece suit you'll ignore the guy with tattoos? If you're a professional business woman you won't get near the kid (what can he offer?) or the person connected with the person you don't like or the woman who is talking too loudly, or the young guy with too much jewelry (in your opinion). Think of all the wonderful opportunities we are missing by not stepping out of our perception, our beliefs on who is "worth" talking to and who isn't.
Rule Number 6: Act "as if." Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, author of "The Power of Positive Thinking," mentioned once that he was wallowing in self pity in his office when his secretary came in and told him he had to go out and give a speech on positive thinking. He said he had to act "as if" as if he really felt powerful and motivated. After his program he actually felt the way he'd only "acted as if" earlier. So go into a room with your imagination in full gear. Act as if it's fun; act as if it's your party, act as if tonight is different. This is not to say be disingenuous, but all you're doing is reframing a situation to help your subconscious think of it as a positive experience. And since 90 percent of initial communication is nonverbal, people will pick up on all your positive vibes. You can even add (and this really does work) some lively music playing in your head, something fun like carnival music, to give you even more energy when you walk in. Again, you're not trying to be anything less than authentic, but your authentic self might as well have a good time, and it will almost guarantee you'll be more fun to be around, more interesting, and ultimately walk away with more great contacts in the process!
Jennifer Webb, an author and public speaker, is a co-founder of Crucial Conversations in Reno, a firm that provides structured networking events. Contact her at info@crucialconversations.net or 240-1398.
