What really matters

As you start 2010, with budgets and plans printed on clean, white paper or electronic spreadsheets, it's a great time to look at the bigger picture. No matter what your job title is, I hope the meaning of your life is bigger than "closing a whopper-sized deal" or even "getting a job." I got a wake-up call to the meaning of my life 11 years ago.

Eleven days. In July of 1998, I was happily married, the mother of a son and a daughter, and everything was great. Then the doctors thought our son, Mark, had the flu and 11 days later, he died of brain cancer. He was eight-and-a-half-years old, and he didn't live to start the fourth grade.

As the saying goes, "When you lose, don't lose the lesson, too." Here are some lessons I've learned since our son died.

1. Viva La Familia! For me, the meaning of life is to make the world as great as possible for those we deeply love our family. "Family" can mean your kids and spouse or partner or more people or fewer. It's the people you love and who love you every single day, no matter what.

One way to remember your family is to hang a photo of them where you can see it when you're working. That might be next to your computer monitor, on the wallpaper of your cell phone or the visor of your car. For example, I put a photo of my kids in a beautiful, heart-shaped luggage tag and hung it on my purse. It reminds me and subtly tells my customers of the importance of my loved ones.

2. Work hard. When you're working, focus on how to get more done in fewer hours. Any fool can do more in a longer period of time. When you increase your productivity, you earn the freedom to go home earlier with more energy.

3. Play hard. Just as you plan your work, plan your family fun time too. Schedule time to hang out with them and do things together. Don't just watch the same DVD that you've seen 20 times rent a new one, or better yet, play a game of chess, or go outside and play catch. The goal is to build an enormous reservoir of memories. That way, no matter what the future holds, you'll have lots of experiences you can look back on and laugh about.

4. Set limits. Set clear time boundaries for when you're not working. If you have to, leave your business cell phone, laptop, or PDA in your car during your downtime. In your phone's outbound message or e-mail program's auto-responder, assure callers that you will handle all urgent messages first thing when you return to work. Then relax and enjoy your time off.

5. Tell and show your love. Don't keep your love for your family a secret in your head and heart. Why not buy wonderful cards for each member in your family today? Then give or send them all in the next 24 hours. Tell each of them how terrific you think they are and how important they are to you. I guarantee you'll both feel great.

The summer Mark died, he had gone to a day camp run by schoolteachers. They made every student keep a daily journal. Each day, he recorded what they did, what he ate for lunch, and "I miss Mom." After camp was over, I teased him about this sweet comment but he wasn't embarrassed; he loved and missed me. What a gift he left behind.

6. Be outrageous. Share your crazy, wacky side with your family. Show them there's more to you than bringing home the bacon. Come home for dinner in a gorilla suit, write a family song, or whatever else sounds fun to you. For example, I once took my kids to a monster truck rally. Once inside, I bought each of us a pirate flag representing the meanest, baddest monster truck, "The Gravedigger." The whole event was very loud and dusty and we laughed our heads off the entire time. It's a priceless memory.

The lesson I learned: In 2008, I left my career as a sales speaker and columnist for BusinessWeek.com and started Global Hug Your Kids Day (www.hugyourkidstoday.com). I now travel around the United States and speak about the holiday and movement, helping working parents to be great at their jobs and great parents. The holiday will be Monday, July 19 in 2010.

With the challenging economy, it's not easy to make the time to hug your family ever day, but it matters, so do it. No matter how busy you are, your kids are growing up. They're only five years old for a year, and then they're six, and they'll never be five again. Don't miss five or any age.

Hug your kids, your spouse or partner - and then get to work!

Michelle Nichols of Reno was the Savvy Selling columnist for BusinessWeek.com for six years and has 25 years of sales experience. She is a speaker on work-life balance, and the founder of the Global Hug Your Kids movement and Global Hug Your Kids Day. She is the author of "Hug Your Kids Today! 5 Key Lessons for Every Working Parent." Contact her at 303-8201 or hugs@HugYourKidsToday.com.