Is this you? Peanut butter

No, this isn’t going to be about which is better peanut butter: smooth or crunchy. Even though as I sat down to write and my other half asked what the name of this week’s column was and I said peanut butter and he said, “Extra crunchy,” and I said, “Smooth.” Poor guy — he is again on the wrong side of the fence because everyone knows it’s smooth and creamy all the way!

That problem solved, I would rather we discuss the more intellectual nuances of this wonder food, as there are just so many as you can imagine. Or not. Well, maybe I could add just a couple of words about the texture discussion.

After standing in front of a wall of choices of peanut butter and having finally decided on smooth or crunchy, you notice there are now more expanded choices. Yes, there is super chunky, extra crunchy and probably if you look clear down on the bottom shelf where only trolls go to live, there will be a peanut butter listed as crunchy enough to break a tooth! On the other end of the rainbow there is basic smooth, creamy smooth, super smooth and again on that bottom shelf with all the dust bunnies and leftover small people who got sucked into the bottom shelf void you might find something called magically silky smooth. Well, enough about all that, don’t want to get my thoughts stuck to the roof of my mouth ...

So the decision of smooth made, now we really get into the center of the pie: the size to buy. I find that in our house we go through phases. We will, let’s say, really get into frozen burritos and then after eating enough burritos to ignite a blaze big enough to light up a small section of a large city, we fall away from burritos. That is where we are now but with peanut butter. Hopefully too much peanut butter will not have the same effect as too many burritos! So I look to buy a rather large jar of, OK, I acquiesced and am buying something called super extra crunchy — I better check my dental coverage.

There are no small jars of this choice but there are no less than four other sizes. Two look like normal sizes but the last two? Well, one will need to be put in a sling to move it from the shelf to my cart. But the mother of them all will need to be moved with a forklift. I check out the weight and it is a full five pounds of peanut butter. The only bigger supply I have seen was given out at food banks and that peanut butter was in a big ol’ can. That’s a lot of peanut butter cookies! I settled on one that I could manage by myself and it was still a challenge. I dropped it in my cart and the ground shook!

So, the reason I found myself buying this extra large jar is that we are on a peanut butter binge. It started by me having a hankering for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, or as moms call them a PB&J. It had been quite a while since I had used the peanut butter in the cupboard. Did you know that peanut butter goes kind of bad if left alone long enough? Well, I didn’t either until I opened the one I found stuffed behind a bent can of bean soup, something else I apparently don’t use very often.

When I opened the peanut butter I was anticipating that fresh peanutty aroma you get when you first open a new jar. My nose and my lips were ready for that PB&J sandwich I was anticipating. But what emitted was not fresh, not peanutty and most definitely not any type of “come hither” smell. It was like wet dirty socks.

And that is why I am now buying new peanut butter. Along with the squishiest, fluffiest, biggest loaf of plain white bread and jar of strawberry jelly. Not jam, I don’t want any pieces of fruit to get in the way! You’re thinking about one now, aren’t you? Well, you are not alone.

But before you go. Have you ever tried potato chips on a PB&J? I liked that salty added flavor. We recently tried bananas on peanut butter sandwiches, apparently something Elvis loved. Not so much for me — way too sweet. We also were told that dill pickles are good on peanut butter sandwiches. That one just seems to be a waste of good peanut butter. However you fix ’em, I hope you enjoy every bite. There aren’t very many ways to remember being a kid. But a big ol’ thick peanut butter and jelly sandwich that leaks jelly on your fingers as you eat it? Now there are some memories.

Trina lives in Eureka, Nevada. Share with her at itybytrina@yahoo.com. Really!